we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
