is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
