Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
