I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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