if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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