she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
