How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
