i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
