By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
