I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
