sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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