Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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