If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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