You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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