i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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