The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
