So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
