Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
