covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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