Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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