So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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