so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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