I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
