My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
