found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
