sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
