I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
