I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
