did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
