Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
