My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
