He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
