he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
