i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
