they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
