New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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