I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
