woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
