i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
