I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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