Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
