At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
