It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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