she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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