the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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