i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
