does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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