Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
