It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
