Just cropdusted the office
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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