it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
