Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
