I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
