yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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