did you get engaged???
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
