btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
