I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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