She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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