I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
