I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
