We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
