so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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