so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
