I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
