I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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